worthy.

12:15

today is the first day since i've known about the red bracelet that i felt truly worthy of wearing it.


the weight is still going down, slowly, but steadily and i love it. i went to the library yesterday to pick up books on history to prepare for my final exam, but ended up in the weight loss-aisle. i took home about four history-relevant books and about 10 ones on weight loss, eating disorders and fictional stories about anorexic or food-focused girls. i feel like such a teen, but i love reading those books even though they're poorly written. they offer both tips and thinspiration to me, even though that probably wasn't the authors intention. hehe.

today i've only eaten cherries. and i don't plan on taking in anything other than water and world history facts for the rest of the day.

looking forward to a skinny summer.

09:02

- 1 grapefruit
- water
- 1 multivitamin


hi ladies. things are going great. i'm still down two or three pant sizes. i've rummaged through my closet and found my old favorite pair of skinny jeans, size 31 (eww!). am wearing them now, and there is nothing skinny about them. they've gotten so baggy that i can't possibly wear them without a belt. i feel so accomplished and successful at this point. and a bit disgusted with my former weight. i can't believe i thought i was slim back then.
clothes is for me a very effective motivation-tool. keep your old, large clothes to remind you of how far you've come and what you will go back to looking like if you give up ana, but also keep or buy skimpy tight tees as well as pants or shorts a few sizes down. you will want to be able to fit into them badly. especially since it's summer and these outfits are almost demanded.

i'm going to the roskilde festival in about a month and i'm a bit freaked. it usually means laziness in the sun, greasy food and loads of beer. luckily, i signed up to work there, so i will have three 8-hour working days where people won't be suspicious about what i eat. i also plan on dancing like there's no tomorrow at the concerts (especially yeahyeahyeahs) and packing my bags with pills, green tea extract, water and non-fat snacks like apple chips. i just hope i can hide it from the others. this is the downside about ana: once you're actually succeeding and getting real thin, people notice - and try to stop you. i hope this won't happen. it can't, i refuse to let it.

i've come this far and ain't nobody taking this away from me.

bad news, good news.

17:54

recently, i've been having disturbances with my eyes. my vision has gotten a lot blurrier, i'm seeing spots, i've become extremely sensitive to daylight and i often have the a feeling like my eyes are coated with a thin layer of see-through fabric. and i know it's not a you-need-glasses-thing. it's an ana thing.

i have very low blood pressure, so passing out is unfortunately fairly easy for me, even on a full stomach. so when i starve myself, it gets a lot worse. and because of this eye-matter and my recent collapses while working out, i've decided i need to eat a little more. i'm not going to eat huge meals, i just put in a bit more protein in my diet. like an egg(white). i think it'll help, even though it sucks a bit to be forced to eat more because my crappy body craps out on me. that's the bad news.

the good news is:
i've dropped two pant sizes since january and i thought i'd have a wee jeans thinspo celebration:

bikini kill.

23:11

everything went great last friday. i felt so great and happy about myself and i wasn't even that hungry at the 3 hour long dinner with my class and parents and teachers. i ate a bit of salmon and avocado mousse and drank white wine, but nothing else went down. i got so many compliments for how i looked and my dress and i was home and in bed about four in the morning after we'd ditched the school and hit the town.

the bad thing is, i can tell i've been eating too little fat. my skin is very dry, red and flaky in the face, so the past days i've been taking in 2tbs of flax seed oil and some more nuts. it's already working.
the plan is now to look killer gorgeous and skinny in a bikini. and everything else, of course. i want to try the whole superfoods thing and just ordered some goji berries online and looked up some raw food recipes. i plan on making a lot of sushi, also just with veggies, fruit and veggie juices, herbal teas and safe, healthy foods to satisfy the sweet tooth without making me fat and disgusting. if i find something great, i'll blog some recipes.

i want to take up yoga again. it used to make me feel so good, but then all of a sudden it disappeared from the gym classes. bugger. but i found a great site with a little animation of a man doing the different poses, so you can be sure to do them correctly. www.abc-of-yoga.com <-- check it out!

anyway, here's a little two-piece thinspo for you: