detox diet day 15.

08:45

getting so close! today i got up at 07:00 and decided to skip my 08:00 design class to do a bit of moving around. then later i logged in to the school's webpage to see when i had to go up there to luckily discover that my history teacher is sick for the day. that means i don't have to be up there 'till 11:45 ! it also mean plenty of work out time.

today - before school - i plan to:

- run for at least 15-20 minutes.
- upper chest work out (i hope to have at least a little cleavage in my dress on friday.
- NYC ballet workout on DVD

i love the NYC ballet workout, but i can't do it with people watching. our DVD player is in the living room and everyone's always home. but now i'm all alone, i can stay somewhat empty and do my workouts in peace. yaay! i'm going to take a long shower and bike to school afterwards.

today, so far i've eaten 100g applesauce w. 1 tablespoon of oats, a bit of soy milk and a lot of cinnamon in it. i've been popping the pills and drinking water and green tea. for the rest of the day i plan on mostly drinking diluted juices, eating veggies and a frozen banana. i think i'll make soup with seaweed for dinner.
my bf asked me if i'm going to his place tonight, since he's sister is visiting (she lives in copenhagen and we rarely see her). i absolutely love his sister! she is so cool and fun to be with. and she never mentions my eating habits, though their family like very unhealthy food (at least according to my standards). i think she used to have eating troubles herself. anyway, i really want to see her, but i'm terrified of little bowls of colorful candy or plates of moist cake or crispy cookies. i think i will go after i've eaten my dinner. and then i'll bring a lot of tea and just say i'm not very hungry. i could c&s, but it's very hard to hide it. i actually think that my bf's mother once found some c&s'ed chocolate cake i'd hidden in a cup under my bf's bed, because i couldn't keep going to the bathroom. i really hope she didn't. at least she never mentioned it.

oh well. i have to get my workout started. so far i've just been sitting on my butt and moving hips and legs a bit to at least burn off a little bit. i must look absolutely ridiculous ^^.

i thought yesterday about what my main goal is. it's not a particular number on the scale, it's more of a wish to be remembered as 'that skinny girl' by my classmates and other people i meet. i'm graduating in a few months, so as far as the classmates i have to hurry up a bit.

before i go, here's some cutesy thinspo of sienna miller and keira knightley:

detox diet day 7.

10:16
one week down, two more to go!

it's all going fine. i was at the movies yesterday and snuck in a rice cracker w. at thin layer of peanutbutter and honey. i sat in the dark, watching the movie, smelling other people's candy and especially the licorice, but i just cracked little bites of my rice cracker and chewed it carefully.

today i have to go to work. that means i have to eat a little more, since i'm going to stand up all day, lift heavy boxes and doing the same movements over and over. sighh.. i only work sundays, but it's a full work day. my job is to pack fruit into boxes for a company that ships 'em out to other companies, kindergartens and offices. luckily as part of our pay, we each get to pack our own box of fruits to take home. i mostly bring home bananas (for ice lollies), oranges (for freshly squeezed juice) and apples (for snacks), but sometimes they have more exotic stuff, like mangos. mm. i looove mangos. my father often drives me to work if he's home. lately we've been arrive out there a little early, driving to a safe distance, switching seats and then he lets me drive around a little. i don't have a driver's license yet, so this is just fun and practice. and illegal, by the way. so schhh..
i know, i know, i'm 19 years old and i don't have a driver's license, but that's pretty normal in denmark. you can only get it after you've turned 18. personally, i don't mind waiting a bit before i take mine. i'm a senior at the gymnasium, i still live at home and i don't have my own car. plus, my father uses his car every day driving back and forth, since he works at a seminarium in another town.
i think i'll go work out a little before i leave. and pack a healthy lunch. and find my parka, 'cause it's friggin cold where we work.

but, before i leave. thinspo! today it's REAL girls:






marie. we used to go crazy together.




mette. one of my friends.




ann. old internet-buddy.







sarah, a girl at my school.







maja. one of the most beautiful girls i've ever known.

detox diet day 4.

08:14
so far i'm absolutely ruling this diet. yesterday i went to the gym and before i biked home i stopped in at my favorite health store and bought some instant miso soup (about 40kcal per sachet), applesauce made of 100% apple, almond tea and soy whipped cream. i ate one sachet of miso soup for dinner and made myself a dessert of 50g applesauce and a bit of soy whipped cream topped with vanilla powder, cinnamon and 5 chopped almonds. yum. pure apple pie taste. i was also able to resist when my mom suddenly started making cheesecake yesterday. it looked delicious. with ground lemon peel in the cheese cream and berries on top. but i just sipped my almond tea and looked the other way. sometimes i find it helps to think of the food's way through the body if you want something that looks and smells great. how a beautiful little cake so quickly is smooshed around in the mouth, mixing with spit, sticking to the teeth. how the cake glides as a slimy ball to your stomach, how it's festering in the bowels, how it's turning into fat on your body and how it finally dumps out the other end. disgusting! it's an instant appetite-killer.

i've been wanting to try the whole counting calories thing. weighing everything before you eat it and calculating it has to be time consuming and appetite suppressing. here is what i plan on eating for today:

breakfast:
- water (0 kcal)
- 50g wheat free müsli (175 kcal) with
- 100g soy milk (35 kcal)

total: 210kcal.

lunch:
- water (0 kcal)
salad of
- 130g carrot (50,7 kcal)
- 140g apple (71,4 kcal)
- 35g celery(8,5 kcal)
- 115g lettuce (18,4 kcal)

total: 149 kcal.

dinner:
- water (o kcal)
- 100g home made falafel (316 kcal)
- seaweed salad (?)

total: 316-something kcal.

snacks:
- herbal teas (o kcal)
- a small banana from the gym (about 100 kcal) - but only if needed

total: 10o kcal.


total calorie intake for today = 775 kcal at the most.



this is great ! it makes it easier to stick to the what-to-eat-today-plan. i'm going to work out today as well. bike to the gym, have dance class and maybe pilates and bike home. i don't know how many calories that burns, but hopefully a lot if i exaggerate my movements and keep active.

here is some cute avoiding sweets thinspo ^^:

detox diet day 3.

08:56

no exams today. ahh. a whole wednesday to myself. slept incredibly well and already drank 2 glasses of water and popped my morning-chlorella and vitamin pills. today i want to work out properly and not just take a walk, so i signed up for a step class at 14:30. and while i'm at the gym i might as well do some of that boring machine workout.

but first! this yummy detox breakfast dish (i plan on spending at least one hour eating it)!:


- 1 carrot in thin slices
- lettuce
- seaweed
- half an avocado
- half a small tomato
- 1 boiled egg
- hot water with lemon

look at that. a quite large plate of safe, colorful foods that i'm gonna burn off later at the gym. mm. by the way, i'd love some work-out inspiration as far as the arms, bum and thighs. these seem to be the hardest areas for me to burn stuff off. as for the detox diet in general, i already feel it working and i'm a lot happier than i was a couple of days ago. my other plans for today are as follows:

- returning books at the library and probably picking some new ones up about ana.
- plan a good run sometime around lunch so i can skip it.
- keep active, no sitting down for too long.
- drink water with ice cubes and eat light for the rest of the day.
- study for the dreadful 5 hour german test on friday (the friggin 13th!)


here's a litte two-piece thinspo before i go to remind people of the summer to come:

detox diet day 1.

19:19 (make a wish!)

my first day on the diet went pretty good. i'm also quite sure i rocked my 5 hour test.
today's input:
- 3 x 4 chlorella pills
- 1 vitamin pill
- water
- green tea concentrated powder
- 4 baby carrots
- 1 celery stick (but am getting awfully tired of the taste, gotta spice it up with something)
- very small amount of salad
- 1 rice cracker
- 1½ piece of wholegrain bread with peanut butter
- 75g of apple chips

am now preparing dinner: a bit of fish and steamed veggies. + lots of water. i plan on going running after dinner and book more classes at the gym. oh, and today i found my red bracelet. how great is this?:




it's red, braided leather and i love that it has a heart near the lock. like the love for ana is too strong to give up on. or something :) what do you think?


i wanted to post a picture of my body today and continue doing it for the next blog to follow my development, but i feel really flabby and bloated. maybe i'll do it tomorrow.

the ultimate test.

22:33

am starting my detox diet tomorrow, and i'm feeling pretty confident about it. the idea is to avoid:
- red meat
- processed food and chemicals
- sugar
- rice, potatoes and wheat (whole-grain wheat and brown rice is okay, though)
- coffee (damn..)
- dairy

i told my parents i'll be going on this diet for the next three weeks, so they won't be suspicious that i'm not eating what they eat + when. i feel like a genius, am all excited about this. i shopped detox-friendly foods this week:
- chlorella algae pills (dose: 3-4 3 times a day, great for clearing out the system)
- apple chips
- plain popcorn (no oil or salt)
- chili, cayenne and vanilla powder
- extra concentrated green tea
- veggies and veggie juice
- nuts
- fruits
- seaweed
- salad
- lemons
- brown rice crackers
- vitamin pills
- tofu
- non-fat, non-sugar, non-dairy falafel mix
- & so on.


oh man, i have too much energy right now. i can't sleep. i'm excited about this diet and the next three weeks, knowing i'll have to use all of my strength to keep it. fasting, dieting and being ana is the ultimate test and example of one's will power. and i want to prove to myself and everyone else, that i really can do it. unfortunately, i have school test all next week. tomorrow is the first one. yikes. but i just have to focus, bring safe foods, lots of water, pop my pills and book lots of classes at the gym. oh. and she asked me and my bf to join her and her bf for some sort of couple dinner thing. i wanted to puke. but i planned the date to be around the 17th where i'm hopefully already way skinnier than her, plus, i successfully convinced her we should eat sushi. crisis averted!

hopefully-i-will-look-like-this-in-three-weeks-thinspo:

chew chew, spit spit.

09:23
grmm.. overslept. am now eating breakfast of: eggs, smoked salmon + 2 melon slices.
i'm trying to make myself full early so i don't slip later in the afternoon. i plan on starting on a three-week-detox-thing. anyone want to join? it's hard to do it alone. it's three weeks of not eating wheat, dairy, red meat, sugar and chemicals in processed food. it's a really good diet when it comes to the results. i use it as a revenge diet to outshine other people. hm. that sounded a tad bitchy ^^. but seriously, it's all about choices. saying no thanks to unhealthy food is saying yes, please to being skinny. i must not forget.
the diet is also a great test for one's will power and control, but it will be worth it all after the three weeks.
beauty inside and out.

yesterday i c&s'ed for the first time in a long time. i decided to eat a slice of cake, then immediately changed my mind once i started chewing it. i spit it out, rolled it into some toilet paper and flushed it out. i'm a bit ashamed for wasting food my mother cooks. i know she would be angry if she knew. i feel disgusting when i do it, but afterwards i'm always relieved. i feel like i succeeded somehow.

oh, and i just bought the new york city ballet work-out dvd. i hope it will bring me closer to the body i want. and that i'm not too inflexible, of course. thinspo of the day: perfect body ballerinas!








it's so unfair..

chubby.

if you're chubby and you hate it, clap your hands.
clap.
clap.

11:20
i just returned from berlin last night. it was fantastic. except that i put on weight. i don't know how much it actually is, but i feel huge. i love berlin, but they have too many unhealthy options when it comes to grabbing a quick bite; döner, currywurst (a thick, greasy sausage in ketchup-sauce w. a sprinkling of curry.. ewww), huge pretzels w. salt. plus, i went over there with my parents and it was very hard to hide it, so i let go: i ate what/when they ate. and nemesis was severe stomach pain, feeling bloated, greasy and very ugly. i beat my self up about it on the way home and i plan to start a detox diet soon. luckily, berlin have whole supermarkets with just organic and biodynamic foods, so i stacked up on tea, fruit, celery sticks, apple chips and stuff. mm.

i went running at 10:00 (excellent start!) this morning, took a cold shower afterwards, rubbed my self w. birch oil and then got dressed and prepared this breakfast:
- 1 egg fried in 1 tbs coconut oil (said to be good for metabolism)
- 1 big carrot cut in smaller sticks
- 1 orange cut into little pieces
- 1 thin slice of wholegrain bread (lightly toasted on the same pan as the egg in leftover oil) cut in two, w. a small amount of peanut butter on one piece, and fig spread on the other.
- grape juice diluted w. water

i spent about 45 minutes eating it, chewing carefully, dreaming about a skinnier self.
i simply won't allow myself to fuck this up.


today's thinspo is sasha grey:










she's not totally skinny, but has a nice figure.