bad news, good news.

17:54

recently, i've been having disturbances with my eyes. my vision has gotten a lot blurrier, i'm seeing spots, i've become extremely sensitive to daylight and i often have the a feeling like my eyes are coated with a thin layer of see-through fabric. and i know it's not a you-need-glasses-thing. it's an ana thing.

i have very low blood pressure, so passing out is unfortunately fairly easy for me, even on a full stomach. so when i starve myself, it gets a lot worse. and because of this eye-matter and my recent collapses while working out, i've decided i need to eat a little more. i'm not going to eat huge meals, i just put in a bit more protein in my diet. like an egg(white). i think it'll help, even though it sucks a bit to be forced to eat more because my crappy body craps out on me. that's the bad news.

the good news is:
i've dropped two pant sizes since january and i thought i'd have a wee jeans thinspo celebration:

bikini kill.

23:11

everything went great last friday. i felt so great and happy about myself and i wasn't even that hungry at the 3 hour long dinner with my class and parents and teachers. i ate a bit of salmon and avocado mousse and drank white wine, but nothing else went down. i got so many compliments for how i looked and my dress and i was home and in bed about four in the morning after we'd ditched the school and hit the town.

the bad thing is, i can tell i've been eating too little fat. my skin is very dry, red and flaky in the face, so the past days i've been taking in 2tbs of flax seed oil and some more nuts. it's already working.
the plan is now to look killer gorgeous and skinny in a bikini. and everything else, of course. i want to try the whole superfoods thing and just ordered some goji berries online and looked up some raw food recipes. i plan on making a lot of sushi, also just with veggies, fruit and veggie juices, herbal teas and safe, healthy foods to satisfy the sweet tooth without making me fat and disgusting. if i find something great, i'll blog some recipes.

i want to take up yoga again. it used to make me feel so good, but then all of a sudden it disappeared from the gym classes. bugger. but i found a great site with a little animation of a man doing the different poses, so you can be sure to do them correctly. www.abc-of-yoga.com <-- check it out!

anyway, here's a little two-piece thinspo for you:

the ultimate test.

22:33

am starting my detox diet tomorrow, and i'm feeling pretty confident about it. the idea is to avoid:
- red meat
- processed food and chemicals
- sugar
- rice, potatoes and wheat (whole-grain wheat and brown rice is okay, though)
- coffee (damn..)
- dairy

i told my parents i'll be going on this diet for the next three weeks, so they won't be suspicious that i'm not eating what they eat + when. i feel like a genius, am all excited about this. i shopped detox-friendly foods this week:
- chlorella algae pills (dose: 3-4 3 times a day, great for clearing out the system)
- apple chips
- plain popcorn (no oil or salt)
- chili, cayenne and vanilla powder
- extra concentrated green tea
- veggies and veggie juice
- nuts
- fruits
- seaweed
- salad
- lemons
- brown rice crackers
- vitamin pills
- tofu
- non-fat, non-sugar, non-dairy falafel mix
- & so on.


oh man, i have too much energy right now. i can't sleep. i'm excited about this diet and the next three weeks, knowing i'll have to use all of my strength to keep it. fasting, dieting and being ana is the ultimate test and example of one's will power. and i want to prove to myself and everyone else, that i really can do it. unfortunately, i have school test all next week. tomorrow is the first one. yikes. but i just have to focus, bring safe foods, lots of water, pop my pills and book lots of classes at the gym. oh. and she asked me and my bf to join her and her bf for some sort of couple dinner thing. i wanted to puke. but i planned the date to be around the 17th where i'm hopefully already way skinnier than her, plus, i successfully convinced her we should eat sushi. crisis averted!

hopefully-i-will-look-like-this-in-three-weeks-thinspo: