Monday, March 30, 2009

bikini kill.


everything went great last friday. i felt so great and happy about myself and i wasn't even that hungry at the 3 hour long dinner with my class and parents and teachers. i ate a bit of salmon and avocado mousse and drank white wine, but nothing else went down. i got so many compliments for how i looked and my dress and i was home and in bed about four in the morning after we'd ditched the school and hit the town.

the bad thing is, i can tell i've been eating too little fat. my skin is very dry, red and flaky in the face, so the past days i've been taking in 2tbs of flax seed oil and some more nuts. it's already working.
the plan is now to look killer gorgeous and skinny in a bikini. and everything else, of course. i want to try the whole superfoods thing and just ordered some goji berries online and looked up some raw food recipes. i plan
on making a lot of sushi, also just with veggies, fruit and veggie juices, herbal teas and safe, healthy foods to satisfy the sweet tooth without making me fat and disgusting. if i find something great, i'll blog some recipes.

i want to take up yoga again. it used to make me feel so good, but then all of a sudden it disappeared from the gym classes. bugger. but i found a great site with a little animation of a man doing the different poses, so you can be sure to do them correctly. <-- check it out!

anyway, here's a little two-piece thinspo for you:

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

detox diet day 16.


hi guys.
i thought it might be time for a little ID.. this is me right now, tuesday the 24th of march '09. i'm not at all at my lowest weight, but getting there and hopefully even lower:

that's all.. stay strong !


Monday, March 23, 2009

detox diet day 15.


getting so close! today i got up at 07:00 and decided to skip my 08:00 design class to do a bit of moving around. then later i logged in to the school's webpage to see when i had to go up there to luckily discover that my history teacher is sick for the day. that means i don't have to be up there 'till 11:45 ! it also mean plenty of work out time.

today - before school - i plan to:

- run for at least 15-20 minutes.

- upper chest work out (i hope to have at least a little cleavage in my dress on friday.
- NYC ballet workout on DVD

i love the NYC ballet workout, but i can't do it with people watching. our DVD player is in the living room and
everyone's always home. but now i'm all alone, i can stay somewhat empty and do my workouts in peace. yaay! i'm going to take a long shower and bike to school afterwards.

today, so far i've eaten 100g applesauce w. 1 tablespoon of oats, a bit of soy milk and a lot of cinnamon in it.
i've been popping the pills and drinking water and green tea. for the rest of the day i plan on mostly drinking diluted juices, eating veggies and a frozen banana. i think i'll make soup with seaweed for dinner.
my bf asked me if i'm going to his place tonight, since he's sister is visiting (she lives in copenhagen and we rarely see her). i absolutely love his sister! she is so cool and fun to be with. and she never mentions my eating habits, though their family like very unhealthy food (at least according to my standards). i think she used to
have eating troubles herself. anyway, i really want to see her, but i'm terrified of little bowls of colorful candy or plates of moist cake or crispy cookies. i think i will go after i've eaten my dinner. and then i'll bring a lot of tea and just say i'm not very hungry. i could c&s, but it's very hard to hide it. i actually think that my bf's mother once found some c&s'ed chocolate cake i'd hidden in a cup under my bf's bed, because i couldn't keep going to the bathroom. i really hope she didn't. at least she never mentioned it.

oh well. i have to get my workout started. so far i've just been sitting on my butt and moving hips and legs a bit to at least burn off a little bit. i must look absolutely ridiculous ^^.

i thought yesterday about what my main goal is. it's not a particular number on the scale, it's more of a wish to be remembered as 'that skinny girl' by my classmates and other people i meet. i'm graduating in a few months, so as far as the classmates i have to hurry up a bit.

before i go, here's some cutesy thinspo of sienna miller and keira knightley:

Sunday, March 22, 2009

detox diet day 14.


okay, i'm back on track. i am not going to throw away weeks of restricting for a moment on the lips.
my body is doing fine, i don't need all that food. when other people sit in school eating huge sandwiches and buying cakes in the cafeteria i completely lose my appetite. i'm fine with small amounts.
i decided to step it up a little to get everything going again, so now i take 5 chlorella pills 3 times a day in stead of 3 and drink water, (diluted) fruit/berry juice or veggie juice in between meals in stead of solid food. i think i'm going to be okay. i just have to get into my head that it's all about choices. if i really choose to be skinny, i will be skinny eventually.

here is my eating plan for today.

- 5 chlorella pills and vitamins
- 1 glass of hot water w. juice from half a lemon
- water
- 100% applesauce w. 5 chopped almonds, 1 tablespoon of oats, a small amount of soy milk and lots of vanilla powder and cinnamon.

- 5 chlorella pills
- salad w. small amount of salmon and avocado

- carrot sticks
- 2 rice crackers w. 100% strawberry jam

- 5 chlorella pills
- 1 sachet miso soup (40kcal) w. seaweed

"snack" on:
- water
- herbal tea
- veggie juice
- fruit juice
- aronia berry juice

and if needed:

- 1 piece of veggie or fruit (cut into pieces and eaten very slowly - maybe distributed over the whole day)

stay strong, skinny and beautiful, ladies. and wish me luck.
and enjoy a little keira-liciousness:

Friday, March 20, 2009

detox diet day 12.


i've been doing ok, but yesterday something weird happened. i was riding my bike on the way to the gym, when i passed by a health store. everything from there is a blur. i got off the bike and came out of the shop later with 300g biscuits and rice biscotti (both dairy-, wheat- and sugar free) and a bottle of juice. in some sort of trance, i started munching the biscuits, even when i was back on the bike (!!) and i ate so many that i felt some of the chewed up biscuit mass clinging stickily to the back of my teeth. i went into the bathroom of the gym where i ate half the bag of rice biscotti and started drinking the juice. half way through the bottle i realized what i was doing. i stopped. i screwed the lid of the juice bottle back on and sat down on the floor, back against the wall, staring at the toilet in front of me. i felt like throwing up, but i didn't. i packed all the food down in my bag again, changed clothes and went down for my dance class. in a weird way i was surprised how skinny i looked in the wall-to-wall mirror as we moved to the music. what did i think, that i was going to gain weight the instant i binged? luckily, i binged on detox-friendly products, but it makes me sick how much i actually ate. when i was still stuffing myself with the crackers, i thought about buying a big jar of hazelnut butter to put on them thus making them taste more chocolatey. eww.. i loathe myself!

i thought about making the next week a liquid fast to make up for/punish myself for excess food eaten. but i don't know if i can do it. argh! any ideas?
she started exercising a lot as well. i was still skinnier than her last time we met, but the thought of her being better than me makes me sick. so i started running again. it is going pretty good.
the dinner thing with her went great. i managed to steer clear of no-no food and drink, such as wine and cake.

today is bad. so i'm cleaning up to keep active and keep my hands out of the fridge. i'm still following my detox diet, but i'm eating too much. i'm so close. i don't want to fuck it all up. help?

if i binge i will be fat - fat - fat! i already feel like this:

Sunday, March 15, 2009

detox diet day 7.

one week down, two more to go!

it's all going fine. i was at the movies yesterday and snuck in a rice cracker w. at thin layer of peanutbutter and honey. i sat in the dark, watching the movie, smelling other people's candy and especially the licorice, but i just cracked little bites of my rice cracker and chewed it carefully.

today i have to go to work. that means i have to eat a little more, since i'm going to stand up all day, lift heavy boxes and doing the same movements over and over. sighh.. i only work sundays, but it's a full work day. my job is to pack fruit into boxes for a company that ships 'em out to other companies, kindergartens and offices. luckily as part of our pay, we each get to pack our own box of fruits to take home. i mostly bring home bananas (for ice lollies), oranges (for freshly squeezed juice) and apples (for snacks), but sometimes they have more exotic stuff, like mangos. mm. i looove mangos. my father often drives me to work if he's home. lately we've been arrive out there a little early, driving to a safe distance, switching seats and then he lets me drive around a little. i don't have a driver's license yet, so this is just fun and practice. and illegal, by the way. so schhh..
i know, i know, i'm 19 years old and i don't have a driver's license, but that's pretty normal in denmark. you can only get it after you've turned 18. personally, i don't mind waiting a bit before i take mine. i'm a senior at the gymnasium, i still live at home and i don't have my own car. plus, my father uses his car every day driving back and forth, since he works at a seminarium in another town.

i think i'll go work out a little before i leave. and pack a healthy lunch. and find my parka, 'cause it's friggin cold where we work.

but, before i leave. thinspo! today it's REAL girls:

marie. we used to go crazy together.

mette. one of my friends.

ann. old internet-buddy.

sarah, a girl at my school.

maja. one of the most beautiful girls i've ever known.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

detox diet day 4.

so far i'm absolutely ruling this diet. yesterday i went to the gym and before i biked home i stopped in at my favorite health store and bought some instant miso soup (about 40kcal per sachet), applesauce made of 100% apple, almond tea and soy whipped cream. i ate one sachet of miso soup for dinner and made myself a dessert of 50g applesauce and a bit of soy whipped cream topped with vanilla powder, cinnamon and 5 chopped almonds. yum. pure apple pie taste. i was also able to resist when my mom suddenly started making cheesecake yesterday. it looked delicious. with ground lemon peel in the cheese cream and berries on top. but i just sipped my almond tea and looked the other way. sometimes i find it helps to think of the food's way through the body if you want something that looks and smells great. how a beautiful little cake so quickly is
smooshed around in the mouth, mixing with spit, sticking to the teeth. how the cake glides as a slimy ball to your stomach, how it's festering in the bowels, how it's turning into fat on your body and how it finally dumps out the other end. disgusting! it's an instant appetite-killer.

i've been wanting to try the whole counting calories thing. weighing everything before you eat it and calculating it has to be time consuming and appetite suppressing. here is what i plan on eating for today:

- water (0 kcal)
- 50g wheat free müsli (175 kcal) with
- 100g soy milk (35 kcal)

total: 210kcal.

- water (0 kcal)
salad of
- 130g carrot (50,7 kcal)
- 140g apple (71,4 kcal)
- 35g celery
(8,5 kcal)
- 115g lettuce (18,4 kcal)

total: 149 kcal.


- water (o kcal)
- 100g home made falafel (316 kcal)
- seaweed salad (?)

total: 316-something kcal.

- herbal teas (o kcal)
- a small banana from the gym (about 100 kcal) - but only if needed

total: 10o kcal.

total calorie intake for today = 775 kcal at the most.

this is great ! it makes it easier to stick to the what-to-eat-today-plan. i'm going to work out today as well. bike to the gym, have dance class and maybe pilates and bike home. i don't know how many calories that burns, but hopefully a lot if i exaggerate my movements and keep active.

here is some cute avoiding sweets thinspo ^^:

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

detox diet day 3.


no exams today. ahh. a whole wednesday to myself. slept incredibly well and already drank 2 glasses of water and popped my morning-chlorella and vitamin pills. today i want to work out properly and not just take a walk, so i signed up for a step class at 14:30. and while i'm at the gym i might as well do some of that boring
machine workout.

but first! this yummy detox breakfast dish (i plan on spending at least one hour eating it)!:

- 1 carrot in thin slices
- lettuce
- seaweed
- half an avocado
- half a small tomato

- 1 boiled egg
- hot water with lemon

look at that. a quite large plate of safe, colorful foods that i'm gonna burn off later at the gym. mm. by the way, i'd love some work-out inspiration as far as the arms, bum and thighs. these seem to be the hardest areas for
me to burn stuff off. as for the detox diet in general, i already feel it working and i'm a lot happier than i was a couple of days ago. my other plans for today are as follows:

- returning books at the library and probably picking some new ones up about ana.
- plan a good run sometime around lunch so i can skip it.

- keep active, no sitting down for too long.
- drink water with ice cubes and eat light for the rest of the day.
- study for the dreadful 5 hour german test on friday (the friggin 13th!)

here's a litte two-piece thinspo before i go to remind people of the summer to come:

Monday, March 9, 2009

detox diet day 1.

19:19 (make a wish!)

my first day on the diet went pretty good. i'm also quite sure i rocked my 5 hour test.
today's input:
- 3 x 4 chlorella pills
- 1 vitamin pill
- water
- green tea concentrated powder
- 4 baby carrots
- 1 celery stick (but am getting awfully tired of the taste, gotta spice it up with something)
- very small amount of salad

- 1 rice cracker
- 1½ piece of wholegrain bread with peanut butter
- 75g of apple chips

am now preparing dinner: a bit of fish and steamed veggies. + lots of water. i plan on going running after dinner and book more classes at the gym. oh, and today i found my red bracelet. how great is this?:

it's red, braided leather and i love that it has a heart near the lock. like the love for ana is too strong to give up on. or something :) what do you think?

i wanted to post a picture of my body today and continue doing it for the next blog to follow my development, but i feel really flabby and bloated. maybe i'll do it tomorrow.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

the ultimate test.


am starting my detox diet tomorrow, and i'm feeling pretty confident about it. the idea is to avoid:
- red meat
- processed food and chemicals
- sugar
- rice, potatoes and wheat (whole-grain wheat and brown rice is okay, though)
- coffee (damn..)
- dairy

i told my parents i'll be going on this diet for the next three weeks, so they won't be suspicious that i'm not eating what they eat + when. i feel like a genius, am all excited about this. i shopped detox-friendly foods this week:
- chlorella algae pills (dose: 3-4 3 times a day, great for clearing out the system)

- apple chips
- plain popcorn (no oil or salt)
- chili, cayenne and vanilla powder
- extra concentrated green tea
- veggies and veggie juice
- nuts
- fruits
- seaweed
- salad
- lemons

- brown rice crackers
- vitamin pills
- tofu
- non-fat, non-sugar, non-dairy falafel mix
- & so on.

oh man, i have too much energy right now. i can't sleep. i'm excited about this diet and the next three weeks, knowing i'll have to use all of my strength to keep it. fasting, dieting and being ana is the ultimate test and example of one's will power. and i want to prove to myself and everyone else, that i really can do it. unfortunately, i have school test all next week. tomorrow is the first one. yikes. but i just have to focus, bring safe foods, lots of water, pop my pills and book lots of classes at the gym. oh. and she asked me and my bf to
join her and her bf for some sort of couple dinner thing. i wanted to puke. but i planned the date to be around the 17th where i'm hopefully already way skinnier than her, plus, i successfully convinced her we should eat sushi. crisis averted!


Sunday, March 1, 2009


hi y'all. sorry for not posting as often as i should, but at the moment i'm being consumed by an exam assignment, that i have to write over the weekend. i can't focus. i keep thinking about food and my weight and i catch myself actually running to the mirror, grabbing my thighs and hips as if reminding me that eating will only make them bigger. maybe it's helping? food-wise, this has been a very good weekend. i've completely
steered clear of sugar, e-numbers, red meat, unhealthy fat, milk and wheat.
right now i'm sipping water on the rocks, stretching my skinnier legs and wondering whether or not i should make breakfast
. if the detox diet i've slowly started delivers some great results, i plan on strutting my non-existing stuff in these sexypants:


i've become obsessed with japanese cooking in the past days and was happy that my friend decided to throw an all girl japanese party. we had a great time. i ate sushi, wasabi chickpeas, salad, a bit of chicken w. chili and lime and c&s'ed the post dinner brownie (not so japanese).
my fortune cookie said: "no one can stop you!" and i smiled on the inside. afterwards we watched "my neighbor totoro" and "battle royale" (pretty good thinspo, actually. most japanese people are skinny and beautiful).

therefore, today's thinspo is japanese: