oishi.

21:35
- 1 cup of coffee
- 1 scrambled egg
- freshly squeezed orange juice
- half a banana
- water
- green tea ice tea from the asian shop
- 3 pieces of ginger candy from the asian shop (oh, i love ginger candies! they're quite strong but they don't burn the mouth. sadly they contain sugar /: that's why i didn't eat the whole box. but they're chewy and delicious and definetely healthier than synthetic candy!)
- 1 raw organic food bar (but split it w. boyfriend)
- vitamins
- small salad for dinner

today is nice. i'm very happy. my american apparel longjohns got delivered this afternoon and i don't ever wanna take them off! they're so comfy and sexy. am definetely going to wear them for school tomorrow, paired with ankle boots, a big scarf and my leather jacket. i also bought this month's issue of i-D mazagine, which i absolutely adore because of all the fashion and amazing photographs. it's great thinspo, by the way. i almost pulled the carrie bradshaw "sometimes i would buy vogue in stead of dinner. i just felt it fed me more".
unfortunately this issue was a men's issue, but they had an interview and a 13-page spread w. my favorite female model, freja beha. she's half naked in the photos, which really show off her perfect, skinny figure. although she has a little too many tattoos for my taste.

i also signed up for more classes at my gym + went running (but for very short bit. anyway it's okay, because my muscles are still sore from the gym yesterday. all of it! my legs, my bum, my inner thighs, my upper chest, my arms + my back. i absolutely rule!). tomorrow i have dance class at the gym. i convinced sofie to go with me so we could get in shape and laugh at ourselves and the overly energetic gym instructors. i love sofie. she is one of my good friends and i used to hang out with her back when i was at my skinniest state. she never mentioned it and we always had fun. she is such a good friend. the only problem is being stuck in food situations with her, like dinner at her place. she loves fatty foods, ice cream and candy, and her family often order in pizza or mcdonald's if they're too tired to cook. it is so dangerous for me. last time i saw her, i pulled it out somehow. we were watching a movie and opened a very big bag of mixed candy. i sat on the floor and she was on the bed behind me. every time i grabbed a handful of licorice or gummy-stuff i would chew it, be careful not to swallow it and secretly spit it out into my closed fist. i chewed and spitting until my hand was entirely full of a sticky, sweet-smelling, multicoloured paste. then i 'went to the bathroom', threw it in the toilet and washed my hands until the stickyness was gone. it was s0 disgusting and i felt awful doing it with sofie in the room, but on the other hand i was glad i didn't put all that sugar and artificial colouring in my body.
chewing and spitting works for me, because i get to taste foods i really love, like licorice, but without making them fill me up. sometimes i also ask my food what it can do for my body. if it can do no good (besides the obvious pleasure of the moment it's in the mouth), i avoid it. that's a good strategy.
a moment on the lips, forever on the hips.


today i want to do it a little differently: reverse thinspo! what i really, really d o n ' t want to become, ever and why i worry about my body and what i put inside it: