Wednesday, January 7, 2009

quod me nutrit, me destruit.

- 1 small cup of plain yoghurt w. grinded flaxseeds.
- 3 prunes.
- small handful of raisins.
- 1 cup of red tea w. 2 slices of lemon
- 'pancake' of two egg whites, cinnamon and sweetener
- 2 rice cakes w. cheese
- 12 grapes
- a few slices of mango
(v. bad, i know, but am going to the gym later!)

my exam tomorrow is stressing me out. my stomach is hurting.
i eat slowly, chew every bite thoroughly and sip tea in between the bites while watching 'green wing'. tonight one of my bf's buddies is having a birthday party. i'm not invited, 'cause i'm not that close with his friend, but she is. i know things probably won't happen and that he loves me, but i can't stand the thought of them being in the same room, being drunk, talking, even hugging each other to say hello/goodbye. this is infuriating. i hate being jealous. i think i'll just go work out and use my anger to really push myself.

on the bright side, i decided to throw a birthday afterall, but not one of those big dinners or all night drinking parties, none of that inviting people just because i should-crap. this time it's only my best friends. and we're going to the seaside to watch the sun rise, open up a bottle of champagne, then head back to my place for (healthy!) brunch, where i'll make sure not to eat all that much. i'm really looking forward to it! it's all very "marie antoinette" by sofia coppola, minus all the sugary pink cakes.

a new part of my obsession is: thighs + bum. i've always cared more about a flat tummy, but all of a sudden i feel my thighs swelling up whenever i eat or look at them. and i think i have a little cellulite. i'm not sure it's even that bad, but i obsess about it and bought this suction disc-thing and oil. it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but i wanna look my absolute best. therefore i need my thinspo! today it's victoria beckham:

would you look at those legs?

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