am now eating my first meal of the day, kind of a 'brunch' plate:
- hot water w. lemon juice.
- 1 vitamin/mineral pill.
- a colourful salad of 2 small carrots, 1 small banana, half an orange, 1 small nectarine and 12 little grapes w. 2 chopped walnuts, 2 tablespoons of plain bio yoghurt and a bit of cinnamon for topping.
i chew it all carefully and make sure it takes a while to eat. it's quite a big plate and it makes me full, since it contains carbs, but still a bit of fat and protein (walnuts and small amount of yoghurt). the cinnamon is said to be good for the metabolism? also, it tastes good. my plan for the rest of the day is eating beetroot and something very light for dinner. i'm gonna take a long walk soon & perhaps run.
am very pleased with what i see in the mirror today. i got up feeling good, got in the shower (singing! i only do that when i'm happy), lathered up, shaved intimate parts and let the water soften me up. when i got out, i took my time moisturizing (i always forget that) and really studied my body in the mirror. my ribs are now popping out under my breasts, my collarbone and hip bones are also quite visible and my tummy is flat, flat, flat. i felt so gorgeous and sexy that i immediately jumped in bed w. my boyfriend. and it's rarely me who take the initiative because i often feel uncomfortable being naked. but when i'm skinny, i love my body and feel like flaunting it. it's such a power. but i worry that i might be too thin for croquis modeling (you model naked for art school students in their classes of drawing the human body. it is important to have control over your body, since you're often asked to hold poses for up to 15 minutes and falling on your naked ass would be quite embarrassing).
i'm currently reading 'apple cheeks' by maria hirse, it's a book about her own eating disorder and it's meant to help young people put a stop to theirs. i find it helpful sometimes, but i'm a bit shameful to admit that i mostly use it for tips. sorry, maria. a little quotation from the book:
The flight home went good. There was a sweet young man sitting next to me, who entertained me for the entire flight. It was not long before he asked what I suffered from.
"It's something with my stomach", I said and looked away. Truth to be told, I didn't know what I was suffering from. I never met anyone who looked like me, and all I knew was that I no longer could control my thoughts about food. Carsten, the man next to me, gladly recieved my lunch dish except for an apple, which I cut in eight pieces. I'm not sure when the mania about cutting food into small bites actually began, but everything had to be cut out. The smaller the pieces, the better. To avoid looking too strange in public I limited the division, like now, to eight pieces. Even small pieces were chewed carefully and it often took me an hour to eat an apple.
thinspo of the day? daisy lowe: